There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
