We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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