You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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