meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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