I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
