Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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