he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
