This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
