Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
