For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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