After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
