I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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