oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
