What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
