how can u be prego again
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
