if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
