i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
