if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just found a bag of teeth...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
