Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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