How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
