Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
