So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
