your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
