my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
