I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We're too hungover to prance.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
