I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
