can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
