god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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