I met the friendliest cop last night
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
