I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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