Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
did i just pee glitter
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
