wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
