watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
