I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
