I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
