I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
