News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
