did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
