So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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