Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
