And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
