even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
