i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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