Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
