i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
