And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
