do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
