This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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