Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
