I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
