thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
