I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
